why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
