Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sext me about skeletons
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
