I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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