She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
