my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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