our cab driver is having phone sex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
