I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
