just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
