You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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