On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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