U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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