How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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