Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
