The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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