No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
