my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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