Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
