i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
