ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
