his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
