fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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