Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
