I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize