Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
