found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
