Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
