Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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