oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
