if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
