it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
