The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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