life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
