To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
