Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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