Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is wine microwaveable?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Congratulations! We have a period
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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