I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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