Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
