she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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