My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
