How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
