I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
