was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
