This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
