please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
