Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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