mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
