You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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