I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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