no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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