Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
