Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
