My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Come on in and take your pants off
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