Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
