goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
