I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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