I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
