Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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