we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
