So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
