Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize