People in love make me want to vomit
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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