my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
