i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
