i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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