if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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