God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
