After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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