just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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